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The ultimate guide to landscaping


Estimate the size of the area you are working on. Dont bother wasting your time with tape measures, a quick head calculation will do. Maybe pace out if you are feeling pedantic.

Go and buy the materials

Get home and commence work

When you run out of materials, realise you underestimated the size of area, by half

Go back for more materials

Complete the remainder of the preparation work

Have the topping sand you’ve chosen delivered

Start to spread all 7 cubic meters, by the wheelbarrow load, approximately half an hour before the heavens open

Realise you don’t have any waterproofs so borrow your 6-year-old daughter’s sheep design mac

Continue through the torrential rain

Dont complain, you know it’s character building

Try not to laugh at your husband who is now working topless in the rain

Ignore the back pain caused by sand weight being doubled due to being wet through

Ask yourself why you couldn’t be more patient and just wait for a fine day

Repeat the last step, every 30 seconds until you finish your task

Go inside and have a very long soak in the bath, spa optional

Open a bottle of wine

Question your sanity



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